Heaven, Part 2

I'm reading a child development book right now in an effort to better understand these amazing little creatures I call my children. Right now Lucas is struggling with naps, and it makes me wonder what might be developing in that little brain of his that is causing the disruption. The author mentioned that all children, but especially spirited children (both Lucas and Ethan have many of the traits of a "spirited child"), go through developmental surges like clockwork, about every six months at this age. The author described the process of a developmental surge with this metaphor: imagine that your child's brain is comprised of five blocks. When a developmental surge occurs, it is as if a sixth block is added. Now the child cannot simply stack the sixth block on top of the other five. Instead, the entire structure has to come down in order for the brain to determine where the new block might fit. This process of rebuilding can take up to 4-6 weeks and can be rather disruptive. It is at these times that the child will cry more, sleep less, and act out in other ways that may seem troubling or out of character.

Aha! Maybe we have reached our next developmental surge, which would explain the nap issues and Lucas's general increase in neediness. Armed with this information, I decided to handle the nap issue differently today. Rather than worrying about how long he slept, I focused on imagining the chaos in his head that is forcing him to awaken early and cry out for me in such a desperate tone. I committed to comforting him as he struggled, and letting him be exactly where he is at when he wakes, rather than trying to convince him he needs to try to go back to sleep.

What I got in return for my efforts was one of the best experiences I have had as a mother. After he woke early from his nap, I immediately came to get him and took him into bed with me. Instead of trying to calm him and coax him into closing his eyes, I just simply held him. I didn't speak, and I let him just say what he needed to say. I held him close and closed my eyes and breathed, trying to just be present to him. Within moments he relaxed on me and started to breathe calmly and quietly. We spent an hour and a half not sleeping, not talking, not moving very much, but simply being together. For an hour and a half, we just cuddled close. I spent most of that time thinking about how one of the most important things we do as parents is to just let our children be. I felt so much love for this child without any words being exchanged and I know he knew it. This gave him comfort, which I am so, so happy I can provide.

Just out of curiosity, I looked back at my posts from six months ago, which was likely the time of our last developmental surge. I had a post named "Heaven", where I talked about spending time with Lucas, simply lying in bed together, after a too short nap, just being. I guess the experts are right. Sign me up for a major cuddle session come next May - there is nothing I could look forward to more.