Ups and Downs

Today was a perfect example of what challenges me most as a parent.

I often think back to one of my all-time favorite movies, Parenthood, when things get tough. I completely identify with the Steve Martin character (Gil) who works so hard to just make everything turn out "right," anguishing over things that inevitably are out of his control. At a critical point in the movie, he is arguing with his wife about how hard life with kids can be. She says "Life is messy." He says, "I hate messy." I hate messy too, and today got messy.

The boys have been tough in the morning lately, and today was about the worst. They fight the diaper changes and rarely want to eat breakfast. And refusing breakfast isn't a polite matter. It usually results in someone/both crying and/or throwing their food. Good fun. Anyway, today they were in top form. As we moved on to the post-breakfast diaper change, Lucas decided to throw a mega-tantrum. So as I am wrestling/comforting him, trying to wipe his butt and his tears, Ethan decides to taste everything we keep on their easel, which apparently looks like a buffet to him this morning. So as Ethan jams chalk into his mouth, which already contains a magnetic "I", the perfect size for choking, I am still wrestling with a poopy and hysterical Lucas. I've recently learned that nothing is funnier to Ethan than Mommy's stern voice and evil eye. So as my brain is spinning between a tantruming poop machine and a laughing maniac devouring everything in his path, I just crumble and pitifully cry "Having twins is TOO HARD! I quit!" I left pantsless Lucas downstairs screaming while I deposited the Tasmanian Devil upstairs to a crib where he couldn't hurt himself or others. I returned to Lucas, and hugged him, really trying to comfort myself. In case you are wondering, this all occurred while Noah was in the shower. He has experienced his fair share of insane twin moments too, believe me.

This all happened as we were trying to get ready to go to the Twins Club Spring Party. Oh yes, let's go celebrate having twins - the joy of having to manage the continuous simultaneous crises that arise while raising two "spirited" toddlers. That sure sounded like fun. So, the whole ride up there, I decided to feel sorry for myself. Having twins isn't twice as hard as having one, it's five times as hard, no TEN times harder. That's it, I had worked out with mathematical certainly how much harder my life was than anyone elses. I deserved to sulk.

When we arrived at the twins party, everyone was smiling. Fakers. These were parents of twins - behind that smile was an exhausted, frazzled, overwhelmed slave to two tyrants. But I put on my best smile too, and got to work setting up the party.

Soon the jumpys were inflated. I had been excited to see the boys experience their first jumpy, and they were just as excited to get going. As I helped boost their little bottoms up into the inflatable castle, I smiled. A real smile. But I caught myself, and refused still to give up my self-pity party. Then I heard my little guys laugh. Damn! My cold, icy heart was thawing, in fact, it was melting. Within a few minutes I was having fun - watching my kids - my twins, no less - enjoy their first jumpy. The rest of the party was a blast too - making giant bubbles, playing on slides, and finding treats in a scavenger hunt. On the ride home I thought about the roller coaster ride of having twins. Again, one of my favorite quotes from Parenthood:

Grandma: You know, when l was younger, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster. Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride. l always wanted to go again. lt was just interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened...so scared, so sick, so excited...and so thrilled all together. Some didn´t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. l like the roller coaster. You get more out of it. Well, l´ll be seeing you in the car.

Gil's Wife: She´s a very smart lady.

Gil: (sarcastically) Yeah, a minute ago I was confused about life. Then Grandma came in with her wonderful and effecting roller coaster story. Now everything is great again!

Gil's Wife: l happen to like the roller coaster, okay? As far as l´m concerned, your grandmother is brilliant.

Gil: lf she´s so brilliant, how come she´s sitting in our neighbor´s car?

Later in the film, we are treated to Gil embracing the "roller coaster" of having kids. I think about this a lot. They aren't kidding - there are incredible ups and downs. I'm not at all ungrateful - I know that I am unbelieveably blessed to have two healthy, smart, funny, adorable, and loving kids. I wouldn't trade in a second of my life since they were born. I thank God every night for them (unless I fall asleep too quickly after hitting the pillow - I'm sure He understands). Anyway, I am truly happy, and truly blessed, but I have to admit, sometimes as I ride this ride, my stomach ends up in my throat and I have to scream. But I'm always ready to ride again, with a smile on my face. A real smile.