"T" Is For Tantrum

My kids are the most delightful, entertaining, sweet kids you'll ever meet. Except when they're not. The last couple of weeks, there has been a lot of not. Call it the terrible twos, a phase, or karmic retribution for something horrible I did in my last life (couldn't I just have come back as a dung beetle or something!), but whatever you call it, you'll have to call it that very loudly because my children are probably screaming.

I am aware that I tend to use extreme language and therefore can feel overwhelmed by either exciting or challenging times in my life. For example, I would say that someone is "always" having a tantrum at my house these days. This is inaccurate and unhelpful to say, as it tells a negative story, which leads to negative feelings. So even though it may feel like someone is always having a tantrum at my house, I decided I should speak more accurately. Therefore, as Lucas was writhing on the floor, screaming about how his toothbrush resembled a hammerhead shark more than a great white, as I had first suggested, I did some math.

My day with the boys is 12 hours long. With a two hour nap figured in, they are conscious for approximately 10 hours, or 600 minutes. I can accurately say that in total, no less than 30 minutes and no more than 60 minutes of that day is spent having a tantrum. That is only 5-10% of our day spent screaming and crying for no good reason. That's not so bad!

Then again, imagine YOUR life, gentle reader. Now imagine that throughout your waking hours, someone enters your space several times a day and screams for 15 minutes because their pants are too brown. You cannot reason with this person or call security. In fact, you have to hug this person and when they are done, you will likely offer them water and fruit, because maybe their insanity is due to dehydration or low blood sugar.

We certainly have tantrums for somewhat understandable reasons: one's brother taking one's toy, being presented with halibut instead of pasta for dinner, or having to wear shoes when leaving the house. It is not easy to deal with the ensuing emotional outbursts, but at least they allow me an attempt at reasoning: "I would be upset too if someone swiped my toy;" "I probably prefer pasta too, but halibut is really good for us - and he probably knew Nemo!"and "I understand wanting to be barefoot, but even horses wear shoes!"

The difficulty with the tantrums is that many have absolutely NO rational basis. For example, the boys have melted down because the bath is too wet, their socks are too green, the sun is too bright (even with a hat on and a blanket over the face), and the lion at the zoo is too yellow. These disturbances clearly warrant fifteen minutes of screaming and throwing oneself on the ground. Just try to reason your way out of them - and I do try. My law school would be proud of my ability to argue the completely illogical with great conviction. But usually I just end up giving them a lot of space and a lot of hugs.

So 5-10% of my day is spent talking my kids back from the edge over issues that make absolutely no sense. If you can't muster any sympathy for me, I'll be calling you three times tomorrow to scream about the fact that the moon won't come out during the day.

P.S. Please check out some pictures of the delightful moments that make up 95% of our day at noahheldman.smugmug.com. The password is lucasethan3306. I am way behind in organizing and posting these, so you'll be looking for the Winter 07-08 album. :)